Upset Stomach

Upset Stomach

If there is one area
I’m considered famous
it’s with topics related
to events of the anus
So me in India
is like a meeting of kings
Like Ali vs Frazier
king of the rings
I began with confidence
eating food at will
Train stations, street vendors
getting my fill
Samosas and dosas
idli and dip
in an attempt to embrace
a cosmopolitan trip
But by week three
something troubled my flora
I could see the potential
for trouser trauma
I’d be caught by surprise
and I’d have to dart
It was unclear if I was able
to trust my fart
Week four came
and what a disaster
my movements were now
considerably faster
No sooner had I eaten
than out it came
My poor little rectum
tattered, aflame
And then came the fever
Boiling in my own shit
Bound to the house
Squit after squit
So at the end of round two
India is on top
but I’m back on my feet
with control of my plop
Toe to toe
I’m back in the ring
Time for round three
‘Ding Ding’


1. main image is a weird butt hose where you fire a jet of water up nut creek instead of using Andrex
2. 3. and 4.  in retrospect, looking at the handrail in this food emporium it is unsurprising that I’ve had a visit from Mr Twitch



4 thoughts on “Upset Stomach

  1. David and I in fits of laughter at this one, brings back the memories!!! I miss the jet flush, prefer it to loo roll……


  2. Never let the sting win.

    Bask in the glory of the bum gun, for thou art the carrier of respite,
    the flannel to the forehead of my continuous fight.

    Never let the sting win.


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